blessed

I have been blessed with three beautiful children.
They are my everything.
Without them I don't know what I would do.
They try to cheer me up when I am down.
They tell me they love me when they don't see a sparkle in my eyes.
They are my guiding lights in an oftentimes dim world.
They make me laugh.
They stop and straighten up when they realize I am serious and I've had enough.
They don't judge me.
They don't criticize me.
They love me unconditionally.
To them I am mom and they don't need more, just me.
"Is mommy pretty or ugly?" I've asked them when I'm make up free and need sleep.
"Pretty!!" they say.
To them I am not chubby.
Once, I asked Jonas if he thought I was a nice person.
He said, without looking up from what he was doing, "You're perfect, mom."
To them, I am perfect, although "mean" at times, but they love me nonetheless.
No better way to describe love.

lyrical poetry - wanderin by justin townes earle

Well, I'm just a lonely traveler and I don't know where I'm bound.
Though, that if I keep on moving then I know that I'll be found.
I'll climb high atop a mountain, call for he who holds the crown,
But until that day, keep on wanderin'

Well now, when the soul wanders there are things a man must see.
There are trials he must know and there are troubles he must meet.
He must stare in the eyes of evil and know that he is free.
'Til the good lord calls, keep on wanderin'

Now, my father was a traveler and my mama stayed at home.
And she cried the day that he walked out and left us on our alone.
But, now I'm older than he was when I was born and I don't know,
Which way is home so I'm wanderin'

Yes, oh lord, I've seen your oceans, I've seen your mountains high.
I've been lost inside your cities, I've seen the underside.
Yeah, I know the troubles that plague a troubled mind,
But they can't catch me I'm a wanderin'

No they can't catch me I'm a wanderin'
No they can't catch me I'm a wanderin'

perfect scribbler

Paloma is really good at holding pencils, pens and markers. She can make tiny scribbles or big ones. She can handle her writing utensils really well. That's my girl!

month 48 - four years old

Dear Angus,

You turned four, four days ago. You are getting so big so fast. On your birthday, I was thinking about the day you were born. I can remember every moment and every emotion I was feeling. I was so happy when you arrived and made us a family of four, even though things got a little harder for me. One mom, two boys, equals lots of work.

You have always been my little sweetie. When they handed you to me and we looked at you-me, daddy and grandma Patricia, the first words that came out when we looked at you were how sweet you were. Sweet. You are my little sweetheart inside, with a tough exterior. You are the one that will wrap your arms around my neck, look in my eyes, tell me, "i love you" and plant a kiss on me. And you hold on tight. Weak is a word that does not describe you. You are strong.

When you get upset about something it shows. But you let go of angry feelings and soon after you are back to your loving self. You love Jonas so much. The way you look at him says it all. You laugh at his poop jokes and even when he acts like a bossy older brother, you are there to follow him and listen to his (mostly crazy) ideas. You love paloma but she is obviously not your favorite sibling at the moment, but you two get along fine, when you are not fighting for the same toy, candy, drink, food, movie, etc...

It was neat to see you pick out what you like for your birthday. Other years you weren't so involved in the choices, not because I didn't want you to be, but because you just weren't interested. Now, it's a different story. You know what you like. Your birthday party proved it with its Power Ranger-Monster Jam-Spider-Man theme. Only thing missing was anything Wipeout. But, that was all you, little man.

When you opened your presents, you were so excited with every gift, minus the clothing. You thanked everyone. You did a monster truck jam, smash and crash on top of your cake. Mushed whipped cream for all to eat. I told you to make a wish when we let our balloons go. "I wish for...winter wipeout," you said, and let your green balloon go. An Angy wish for sure!

Every day, at home, I watch you play with your toys and listen as your imagination unfolds. I watch as you sneakily take my phone to play games. Peanut butter sandwiches, bowls of cereal, and ice cream are regular requests around here made by you. You prefer water to juice or milk, almost always. The questions you ask me in the car, when we are listening to the radio, watching t.v., reading a book, let me know how smart and aware you are, how much you are growing and learning. I stop and think back to when you were two and you needed me more, but you are just where you need to be at four.

I love you.

Mom

our week

A lot was accomplished last week, or so it seemed. Must be the change in the season that has me feeling like I am just going and going. Early to rise in the morning, going non-stop all day, and bedtime can't come sooner. By the time we are all in bed, and my body relaxes, I fall asleep, easily. The good, I've been up all day, beat, tired, kind of sleep.

We are all enjoying spring. Oh, my favorite season. I love it so. We could spend our days outside every day. If only Arizona summers weren't so hot and in a hurry to get here, because we know our perfect weather will end soon. The heat will creep in and then it will soon be unbearable, but for now, we are loving our springtime.

Jonas is going to be in his first ever little league game tomorrow. He's been practicing with Miah. He has gone from not knowing much about the sport to understanding the game. He is working on hitting the ball and adding a little more power to his hit, catching, and hustling to get the ball. He and Miah are having a good time working together. So much so that every practice he wants it to be he and Miah only. Angus, Paloma and I tag along sometimes to play in the playground.

Paloma has been so difficult for about two weeks straight. She has been fussy. She's refusing to potty train, she constantly wants me to hold her and she asks in the whiniest voice "mama hoooollld", if something is not exactly as she wants, she breaks down. Oh, I hope this stage passes quickly because it is so, so tiring.

Angus and I play hours of monster jam, robot rumble, spiderman vs. bumble bee, etc, etc, etc, a week. He is my action figure, monster truck player. I love to watch his imagination at work. Most of the time the characters play nice. Holding a monster truck in his hand, he bumps against the one I'm holding and says, "hey, can I talk to you." That's how the adventures begin. We build Lego robots, that we eventually destroy. Fun stuff, but its hard to tell him I have to wash dishes or do laundry. He'd have me playing all day if it were up to him.

Our sunflower seeds are in the ground. Can't wait to see them sunflowers standing tall. Veggies will be planted this week. Our chickens have become consistent little egg layers. Soon, we will not need to buy any from the store. We are turning all organic, home grown over here or at least trying to be.

We are working on and through a lot of things over here.

completely demonstrates

We were scheduled to be at parent/teacher conference at four in the afternoon. I called my dad to see if he could help for an hour with the kids while Jeremiah and I talked to Mrs. R. He couldn't, but luckily Jerry showed up to help.

The kids happily played in the playground while we waited for our turn to enter the classroom. Jonas was talking to one of his friends, while Angus stood next to him. They were holding hands. Brothers stick together. Paloma climbed up the playground and slid down the slide. Again and again. Jerry showed up, took over the watch and we walked into the classroom.

Mrs. R started talking about Jonas' latest test scores. We were so impressed. He is above grade level in reading and above where he used to be in math, which is excellent. When he reads he shows expression, which can be hard for a first grader. He does great on his spelling tests. All the nightly readings have payed off, big time. He even reminds the teacher if they forget to work on a subject she had mentioned earlier. Not in a rude way, either, she made sure to tell us that. He is very polite, she said. He does worry when there is a change in routine, but he has gotten better about it.

This little boy is very different from Miah and I. I know Miah struggled a little when he was in elementary school. I was so shy and quiet that it stopped me from doing a lot in school. I never drew attention to myself, never raised my hand to answer questions. He raises his hand, he answers questions, he speaks up. Don't know why I was so painfully shy, but I am so grateful he is not. I hope my Angus and Paloma are free from it, too.

He is one of the best students, she said. At home, he can be troublesome and sometimes defiant, but he knows how far he can go with us. How many buttons he can push before mom and dad have had enough. Mrs. R said he tells the class to be quiet when she is talking. He helps his classmates. He is a good friend. He is a great student.

After I heard all she had to say about him, I almost got teary eyed right there in front of the teacher, but held it in. I was proud of him, of us. This job of raising these little beings is hard. No one ever tells you how hard it is going to be. You try to figure it out as you go along, each day, because you don't know what they will do next, how you will react in every situation that gets thrown at you, how they will act, what their personality will be like. Each child is different.

I go through this parenting journey trying to do the best I can, hoping my children grow up to be great people. People that will walk this earth with confidence, with respect for themselves and for others. Kind, compassionate, loving, strong, smart people and whatever else they bring from their own uniqueness. The list goes on.

I know it is only first grade, and that I still have many more years to go, many more conferences to attend, from not one child, but three of my loves. So far, I feel good on this journey. This moment, in this journey, I feel great.
~
This morning, the kids and I had breakfast at school. It was Jonas' first time eating in the cafeteria for breakfast. He had heard that they give prizes for eating there. Turns out they give prizes if your tray had a marking under it. We looked under our trays. There were no markings on ours. He was upset about it. He wanted to get a prize, so he pouted the entire time we were there.

I told him he should be happy that we were trying something new. Angus and Paloma loved being in school. They were having a fun time. The bell rang and we had to go. Before he walked into class, he asked me if we could eat there again tomorrow. I said we could.

In the afternoon, when he got into the car after school, the first words that came out of his mouth were, "I feel so bad for you mom."

He handed me a note that he had written explaining how bad he felt for his behavior at breakfast.
He cried at school that morning he said, because he kept thinking of me at breakfast and how I was trying to make the best of it. I told him I wasn't upset about that morning. I thanked him for my note and told him how much I appreciated his apology. I told him he didn't have to be sad for me.
~
My heart swells, almost ready to burst at moments like these. Moments where my children amaze me. Where all I can think is that I am so proud to be their mother.

our week

The weather has been nice this week, which means its great to spend the days outside. We come inside, then get ready again to get away from our walls to play outside.

remember

~These are things I never want to forget. Things that happened that may not be remembered in a few years, months, or minutes later. I know my memory well. It has a habit of forgetting things, so I thought I'd write them down.~

*i held paloma in my arms and rocked her on the boys bed when i was trying to watch the oscars tonight. she wanted my attention and i wanted to watch my show, so i held her and bounced on the bed, sang her a song in a goofy voice. she was laughing. she is so tiny and sweet. i love that i can hold her in my arms, because a day will come when i will not be able to.

*sitting on patricia's couch today with jonas at my left and angus at my right, while paloma napped. we were being quiet, talking, and giggling.

*watching my three help carry stuff for grandma. even though it was only a few things, they looked so sweet doing so.

*watching them get happy when they saw their cousin. it turned into instant fun when she arrived.

*jonas writes little notes to miah when he wants to do something special or wants to tell him something. sometimes the notes have a drawing on them.

*angus gives me kisses and hugs all day, at random times. he is my lovey boy. he puts his arms around my neck, looks me in the eyes and plants a kiss on me or an I love you. either one works for me.

*paloma says peep when she needs to go potty. miah and i love it. we love peep!

video store trip for five

The kids have been feeling sick. It started with Jonas on Thursday and the domino effect followed. I began to feel it, then angus and lomy soon after. The only one who hasn't been hit is Miah. It's just a little cold, but who likes to be sick.

The best thing to do when one is sick is to hang around home all day, watch movies and eat chicken soup. We made the soup, watched movies we had seen over and over, so we needed new ones.

We have been so glad we found an old school video store. Not a stinkin' redbox, but an actual video store where you can walk around and look, like the good ole days.

We all grabbed our sweaters and got in the car. I sat in the backseat with loma and angus. As we pulled up to the parking space, I looked at their faces and looked at the two in the front. Our little family was headed out to rent some movies. Most wouldn't think this an exciting event, but the kids love it.

The boys hit the the kids section. I wait for them to make their choice and then we catch up to Miah and lomy and walk around together.

I love to see what they pick. Jonas picks a science fiction movie - Journey to the Center of the Earth, Angus first picks a Spider-Man cartoon, but later changes it to action- Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Paloma picks "foy towy one" or Toy Story 1.

Then we get to decide who gets to watch their movie first. Not a fun end to our movie rental adventure.

our week