credo by jack kerouac

Remember above all things, kid, that to write is not difficult, not painful, that it comes out of you with ease, that you can whip up a little tale in no time, that when you are sincere about it, that when you want to impress a truth, it is not difficult, not painful, but easy, graceful, full of smooth power, as if you were a writing machine with a store of literature that is boundless, enormous, endless, and rich.

For it is true; this is so. Do not forget it in your gloomier moments. Make your stuff warm, drive it home American-wise, don't mind critics, don't mind the stuffy academic theses of scholars, they don't know what they're talking about, they're way of the track, they're cold; you're warm, you're redhot, you can write all day, you know what you know, like Halper; you remember that, kid, and when you feel as if you cannot write, as if it is no use, as if life is no good, read this over and realize that you can do a lot of good in this world by turning out truths like these, by spreading warmth, by trying to preach living for life's sake, not the intellectual way, but the warm way, the way of love, the way which says: Brothers, I greet you with open arms. I accept your frailties, I offer you my frailties, let us gather and run the gamut of rich human existence.

Remember, kid, the ease, the grace, the glory, the greatness of your art; remember it, never forget it. Remember passion. Do not forget, do not forsake, do not neglect.

It is there, the order and the purpose; there is chaos, but not in you, not way down deep in your heart, no chaos, only ease, grace, beauty, love, greatness.....kid, you can whip a little tale, a little truth, you can mop up the floor with a little tale in no time; it is a cinch, you are the flow of smooth thrumming power, you are a writer, and you can turn out some mean stuff, and you will turn out tons of it, because it is you, and do not forget it, kid do not forget it; please, please kid, do not forget yourself; save that, save that, preserve yourself; turn out those mean little old tales by the dozens, it is easy, it is grace, do it American-wise, drive it home, sell truth, for it needs to be sold.

Remember, kid, what I say to you tonight; never forget it, read this over in your gloomier moments and never, never forget.....never, never, never forget.....please, please, kid please.....

bathing beauties

I love when they are in the bath together, except when they splash a ton of water out of the tub, oh and except when they fight for a toy or something. Other than those two things I love to watch them play and use their imagination.

When all three of them are in the bath it gets pretty wild.

I remember seeing pictures of my brother and I in the bath when I was Paloma's age or maybe younger. My babes will probably not remember, but will have lots of photos to see the fun they had, when they could all be in the bath together.

conversations with angus

Angus and I were talking in the car, while on our way to pick up Jonas at school.
Angus: Are thpiders nice?
Me: Some spiders are nice. Some are not.
Angus: Mom, I killed a thlug. (In a low, sad voice)
Me: You did. Why did you hurt it?
Angus: I don't know. I just did it.
Me: We'll, next time you see one lets be nice to it. Ok?
Angus: Ok, I won't do it again.

~~~

Me: angus, go ask Jonas if he wants ice cream, too?
Angus: (looks at me strangely) you said ice cream two, its ice cream one.

~~~

Angus woke up with a hoarse voice yesterday.
Me: what's wrong with your voice?
Angus: zombies got me last night and they did something to it.
Me: why did they do that to you?
Angus: because zombies are bad.
Me: oh, I see.

after school

Jonas' class was a little late coming out after school. When he got in the car I asked him what they were doing.

He started cracking up. Something funny was happening, and I didn't get the joke, but it was nice to see him laughing so hard.

today

:angus was a Lego making machine. we were working on building a wipeout obstacle course. he was being very creative with his Lego building skills.

:paloma kept wrecking our creations. as soon as we finished one, she would be there to kick it or pull it apart. our troublesome truck likes all the attention.

 :i washed, dried and folded three loads of clothes. next, putting it all way. the tough part.

:it was Monday, so it was hard to get going, but somehow, I managed.

:after school, Jonas was a few minutes late to come out and that was because his class was planting seeds in the school garden. he was so excited to tell me about it.

 :bedtime was pretty easy, with all three kids in one bed, plus two adults. turned off the lights and all eyes were fast asleep.

month 24 - two years old

Dear Paloma,

You turned two on Tuesday. We had a little party for you. Family and some friends were here. You were the star of the day and you knew it. When you woke up, daddy and I sang to you. You sat on the bed, listening, enjoying the attention.

***

You are such a smart girl. You say so many words and sentences. You copy your brothers. You are sweet and tough. You are silly and serious, when you need to be.

You have dad wrapped around your finger.  I tell him he better watch out, or we are going to have a spoiled girl on our hands.  "She's just too precious," he says.

You love taking care of your babies (dolls). You are a good mama, carrying them around everywhere, asking them, "you okay?" Worrying if they cry, "oh, baby cwying. It's okay, baby." You wrap them up and put them in their crib. You lay them down with you when we read on the bed. You put them in their stroller. You hold them. You are so nurturing.

You are our little star. You bring a light that shines so bright. You cheer us up if we are sad. You say sorry even when it was someone else's fault. The boys love their 'piece kiss' as Jonas calls you.

I love that you like to dress up. You put on a homemade little mermaid dress, made out of a pillowcase and said, "I princess." I could have just eaten you up right then and there because you were so darn sweet. Little things like that. Or when you are playing with your little plastic dishes and shout, "dinner's ready," and you hand us our make believe food. Dad and I melt.


We love it when you wake up in the morning and walk out with sleepy eyes and say, "I seeping."

And you are almost potty trained.  Almost.  Crossing fingers!

You ask for your favorite movies and books.  You know what you like.

***

When dad brought your cake out with the candles on it, your little face lit up, eyes wide. You sat there and waited for your happy birthday song to end and you blew out your candles, just like we practiced at bedtime, my smart girl.

I love you.

Mom

Accessories

Today

Jonas is always the first to wake up in the morning.

"Mom, is it time to get up?" he asks me. It's dark outside, as I slowly awake from slumber.

"I don't know, just lay down for a few more minutes," I mumble.

He does, I close my eyes hoping it is not morning yet. He wakes me minutes later. I check my phone for the time and begin to rush him to get ready. Sometimes, Jeremiah does the rushing. Sometimes we wake up with plenty of time to spare. Sometimes.

I try my hardest to keep them extra quiet, so that the others don't wake up, but it never works. Paloma and Angus are up and ready to start their day when they hear any darn noise.

And we're off. It's non stop from there.

Making breakfast, cleaning messes, watching, listening, playing, crying, laughing, wiping, chasing, hugging, fighting, kissing, all day. Some days, I can't wait for nap time. Not because I don't want to be around my sweet babes, but just so that I can get a moment of quiet, to clean without having to stop what I'm doing or take a nap myself. Or to just sit and...be.

We drive to pick up Jonas and they fall asleep in the car. I sit and wait. Wait for my other, full-of-life child to get in the car.

At home, they are happy because big brother is home. They get wild. They run around, laugh, say silly things, make requests, of which many I have to say no to. I try to make them calm down. I make them stop fighting. I make them apologize.

I get dinner ready. We sit, we eat, we drink, we talk.

We get homework done in a not-so-constructive way, because Paloma wants to throw all the pencils on the floor and now she is crying because she was told 'NO' and Angus wants to jump on my back while I'm sitting on my chair, while trying to help Jonas.

And somehow the homework gets done. Somehow the kids are fed. Somehow they still have energy, even though the sky is dark and they've played and played.

Angus looks out the window and asks, "When's it gonna be morning again?" Soon, Angus, too soon, I think to myself.

Jonas need's to sleep by eight or his internal alarm clock wants to sleep in. Angus and Paloma fall asleep a little later because they napped.

When everyone is finally sleeping, it's late and I'm exhausted but I push it and stay up a little longer. Then sleep comes and all of a sudden, its still dark out but it's morning again and I'm wishing it wasn't, no, not yet.

"Mom, I think its morning. Is it time to wake up?"

This moment

Two of my loves being sweet together.

Paloma kept jumping and climbing on Jonas before bedtime.

He was trying to stop her, while giggling and smiling.

"Mom, make her stop," he told me, but he was having fun, enjoying the attention.

"Donas, Donas," she kept saying, as she tickled and hugged him.

Hello 2013

The first day of January was supposed to be my first post, but that day has already escaped me. So here I am, writing my first post of the year, on the third day. How typical of me! Always running late or behind or leaving it to the last minute or trying to catch up. Ugh, someday I'll get it together.

2012 was such a difficult year. There was a lot happening, as it should, but geez I hope this year is smoother. Slow, it will not be, as I have learned from previous years and growing up, getting married and having children. The days just fly on by.

At the beginning of 2012, I had a baby, whom is now a talking, running, playing, yelling, very opinionated toddler, with her likes and her dislikes and her "hold" and her roars. I had a quiet little boy, who played on his own and talked of Spider-Man and other superheroes, but who now wants to be on his brothers level. He wants to play all the big kid games and do all the big kid stuff because, as he puts it, "I'm a big boy now." I had another little boy who was learning how to read in kindergarten and is now one of the best readers in his first grade class. From baby to toddler, from toddler to preschooler, from kindergartner to first grader.

And there was a bunch of other stuff, but there is not enough time.

Ill just say, what a year!

I hope 2013 takes it easy on all of us.