Thursday, December 5, 2013

catch up

Every day I tell myself I am going to write down something, anything about what is happening in our lives.  The stories that unravel on some days or the humdrum routines of other days, but I can't.  I feel as though I have forgotten how to write.  How to begin a story.  Before, I would think of something that happened during the day and I couldn't wait to get it down.  Now, I make myself sit and I can't think of where to begin.  I used to take a lot of photos, too.  These days I have to remind myself to do it.  

What is going on with me?  I can't even explain it.  Only thing I know is that it has something to do with the way the months are zooming by.  What is up with that?  End of the year already.  Something strange is happening.  I can't explain that, either. 

 I'll try my best to write.


My Paloma will be three in January.  I don't want her to be three in January.  I want her to be the chubby baby I keep looking back at in photos.  I want to hold my baby in my arms at this moment.  

She is so smart and so talkative.  She is a girl who can stick up for herself.  Never afraid to lose her cool.  She'll get mad at her big brothers and they better watch out for her.  She is tough. 

And yet, she is also my sweet princess, who tells me I am so beautiful and asks me when can she "wear make ups".  I touch her little feet just before she is about to fall asleep.  Feet that still fit in my hand.  I hold them.  I feel her little toes.  I grab her hands and feel each little soft finger.  They are so small compared to mine and they do so much at two years old.  


The other night, I was laying with her on her toddler bed.  My body, barely fitting, while she lay comfortably with her head on her pillow.   While her eyes were beginning to close, I started fixing the blankets because they had shifted.  

She woke up, suddenly and drowsily said, "You a good mom.  I love you."  Before that I think I was getting mad at her because she kept resisting sleep. But when she felt me adjusting the blankets, she knew I was trying to make her as comfortable and warm as she could be in her little bed.  She knows.  

She completed my day.  

Nothing could change how I felt after that and I don't want to forget.