Saturday, April 5, 2014

five years - angus dylan

Dear Angus,

Yesterday you turned five.  When you were four, I would hold you in my arms and ask you to please stop growing.  You said you would stop.  "Do you promise?" I'd ask.  You would promise to me that you would stop.

Watching you turn five makes me a proud mama.  You are supposed to grow and learn so much and I can't ask you to stop that.  I may miss my Angy at one, two, three, and four, but I will be so proud as the years goes by when I stare at your beautiful brown hair and eyes.  I will stare in awe of all the knowledge you acquire each passing year.

Today, you celebrated with family and friends at grandma Tricia's house.  You could not wait to invite all of  your very own friends from school.  Most were there. You played and jumped and ran and ate and greeted and thanked.  It was a perfect birthday for a most sweet boy. 

Tonight, in bed, we were talking.  You said you wished it hadn't been your birthday because you didn't want to be five.  My heart sunk for a moment wondering why you said that.  You said you wanted to continue being four.  I think you thought that you were going to change from one day to the next. You are not too fond of change.  I reassured you that being five would be ok.

"Can you ask God something?" you said.
"Yes, what do want me to ask him?"
"Can you ask God if I can be one again?" 
"Angy, it's going to be so much fun being five, but why do you want to be one again?"
"Because I was a baby and you used to hold me all the time."
"Aww, papa, I can still hold you and hug you a lot.  That doesn't change," I said as I hugged and kissed you.
"But I'm almost ten.  Then I'm going to be 100."
"That's a long, long time away" I said.  "Look at brother, he turned five and he has done so much fun stuff.  How about you give five a try?"
"Okay," you said,  wiping a tear from your eye. 

No matter how much you grow I will always love you.  No matter how big you get, I will hug you and hold you because you are always my baby.   Age can never change that.  There is no need to worry. 

You are right where you are supposed to be.  I can't ask you to stop.  This conversation proves to me how much you have grown already.  I am already in awe of your little mind and how it works, physically,  emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  I can't wait to see more.

Five will be great, my sweet boy, you will love it.


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

looking for trees

We are on a search for THE perfect tree.  Two days should do it.  Our yard will soon look better.  The kids helped.  But they were mainly being the wild bunch that they are.  Miah did the negotiating and I chased the Littles around.

If it were up to me, we would plant three in the front yard.  Onesis better than none.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

school on a sick day

I told Jonas he should work with angus on his abc's, and thus, the little school began. 
Jonas had them sit down in front of their easel as he began the lesson of the afternoon.  

Angus and Paloma tried their hardest to wait patiently, occasionally laughing, wiggling and jumping around.  Jonas, the teacher, began the lesson.  Paloma kept trying to hog the dry erase board.  

Jonas had Angus read the alphabet out loud.  He pointed and spoke the letters he knew.  Some he needed help with.  

Jonas tried to teach them vowels, but that lesson fell through.  The students had no idea what a vowel was and weren't too interested to find out.  He moved on to the next thing.

It was pet time.  They each got to touch the class pet, turtle burtle, mr. Luke.  

One of the students lost interst fast.  Angus was waiting for the next subject.

Story time followed.  Jonas read aloud to the class.  (At this school, shirts are optional.)
He then asked them to write or draw something from the book.  

They sat at the table and drew pictures of what they saw in the book. Jonas watches and encourages his students.

Time is almost up.

Angus drew Plankton and Luke.  Paloma drew a bunch of stuff and sponge bob.

They presented their drawings to the class and talked about their pictures.  They were pretty good at standing in front of the class.  Jonas sat and watched his students.  

He graded papers.  They both got a 10 and a sticker.

You can't do all that work without a snack.  They really enjoyed this part.

And of course, he had to include free time, with a list of stuff they could do.
Paloma chose dress up.  Angus went AWOL. 

Teacher Jonas was left wanting to teach more, but his students had already dispersed.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

2 a.m. thoughts

I can't sleep. 

Someone woke me up from a deep sleep. I won't say any names, (cough, Miah, cough, cough). Had to clear my throat there for a second.  It's the second night in a row this has happened. I am sure tomorrow night will be similar.  

I keep thinking about the kids and about how much they're growing and learning.  The things they do and say on a daily basis are too sweet to forget and sometimes the things they do and say drive me nuts. 

I wish I could bottle some of the precious moments up and open them up when I begin to feel nostalgic for the past.  Being a parent is hard.  It is so hard.  Hard because you re always thinking about what is best for your children and sometimes you fail in some moments and sometimes you get it right.   I am always helping them, teaching them, but most importantly, loving them. These things are important, but there are so many other things, too.  

I feel like my patience is tested everyday.  I am still learning as I go, just as they are learning.  

All I can say right now is that it is hard.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Paloma ~ 3 years old

Dear Paloma,

On Wednesday you turned three years old. I didn't think three was going to come so fast. I've been looking back at pictures of you as a baby and I miss your chubby little bald head.  I miss it, but I am so glad I get to see my beautiful big girl. 

You are a sweet girl. You love dressing up as a princess.  You ask me numerous times throughout the day to put your dress on.  I compliment my girl. I tell you what a beautiful princess you are and you smile.  I'll catch you a bit later, you are no longer in your dress and I say, "Hi princess Paloma."  "I'm not a princess, I'm just Paloma," you say, looking down, showing me that your dress is no longer on.  I have to apologize for my mistake.  

Your voice is strong, exactly how I want it to be.  I want you to be the opposite of what I was.  I was shy and quiet, but your voice is loud and strong.  We just have to work on when to be loud. Like not when you need something from me.  You always I ntroduce yourself to people when we are at the shop.  People are impressed when they hear you speak.  

You love it when angus calls you "baby".  "He calls me baby," while pointing at Angy. You know it is an affectionate term coming from your tough big brother. 

There have been mornings were you tell me how beautiful I am, when I feel my worst.  You love to have tea  time. You like "make-ups", and have asked when you can wear it.  You ask me so many questions, you are very curious and smart.  You can get upset and show it, you little door slammer.  When we do things together, without the boys, you say, "We are ladies shopping."  You like polishing your nails.  You are very feminine, but can be a tough girl, too.

Today, at your party you were so grumpy, mainly because I think you needed a nap, but when you finally got over the grumpiness your were happy, running around, and playing.  You thanked everyone for the gifts they gave you.  You knew all the attention was for you and it was a little overwhelming at first, but you got through it.  

I love you so much my precious p.

You are my sweet, sweet!


Thursday, January 16, 2014

new year doings

We have started out the new year right, in that, we have been doing a lot of fun things.  There have also been changes happening with things around us and within ourselves, some good, some bad, some so-so.  

One thing I have noticed is that this month has been traveling slower than last years January.  Last year flew by so quickly.  The months just fell off the calendar pages as if someone had pressed a fast-forward button, leaving them falling to the ground, one right after the other.  

I wanted to do a blog post every day since the start of January and couldn't pull myself to doing it.  I didn't know what to type.  I didn't know where to begin or how to even start the first blog post of the year.  There is so much that we have done, so much has happened, but I felt blank.  Here I am.  Finally, I feel like writing.

The kids continue to be wild and beautiful.  They leave me feeling like I just want to squeeze them and love on them, while wondering why they are being so crazy and messy and stubborn and defiant.  

I feel as though I am being tested everyday.  I keep losing my patience with them.  I have to stop myself.  I know I was better at this at one point.  I was more patient, but at this moment, this very moment in my life and theirs, I seem to have forgotten how to be patient.  

Just when I think everything is going smoothly, it soon starts to fall apart.  Then I try to mend it all back together.  Then it all unwinds, unravels again.  I have to start over and over.  It's tiring, but I know I am giving it my all.

Is this my message to myself?  

Once things or situations feel as though they are perfect, they soon won't be, because nothing in this life is ever really perfect.  But those imperfect moments can be helped and made better.  And if it all comes crashing down after you worked so hard, know that whatever falls apart can be fixed or can get better.  It is not the end.  I have to remind myself of this, because in the midst of the crashing down, I forget and get overwhelmed with it all.  But it gets better.  

Eventually it does.  

After having a day when the children haven't been their most pleasant selves, at the end of the night or at some point throughout the day, they say or do something so sweet and I know that they are alright and that I am alright.  They are my sweet children with ups and downs, too, just like me.  

Thursday, December 5, 2013

catch up

Every day I tell myself I am going to write down something, anything about what is happening in our lives.  The stories that unravel on some days or the humdrum routines of other days, but I can't.  I feel as though I have forgotten how to write.  How to begin a story.  Before, I would think of something that happened during the day and I couldn't wait to get it down.  Now, I make myself sit and I can't think of where to begin.  I used to take a lot of photos, too.  These days I have to remind myself to do it.  

What is going on with me?  I can't even explain it.  Only thing I know is that it has something to do with the way the months are zooming by.  What is up with that?  End of the year already.  Something strange is happening.  I can't explain that, either. 

 I'll try my best to write.


My Paloma will be three in January.  I don't want her to be three in January.  I want her to be the chubby baby I keep looking back at in photos.  I want to hold my baby in my arms at this moment.  

She is so smart and so talkative.  She is a girl who can stick up for herself.  Never afraid to lose her cool.  She'll get mad at her big brothers and they better watch out for her.  She is tough. 

And yet, she is also my sweet princess, who tells me I am so beautiful and asks me when can she "wear make ups".  I touch her little feet just before she is about to fall asleep.  Feet that still fit in my hand.  I hold them.  I feel her little toes.  I grab her hands and feel each little soft finger.  They are so small compared to mine and they do so much at two years old.  


The other night, I was laying with her on her toddler bed.  My body, barely fitting, while she lay comfortably with her head on her pillow.   While her eyes were beginning to close, I started fixing the blankets because they had shifted.  

She woke up, suddenly and drowsily said, "You a good mom.  I love you."  Before that I think I was getting mad at her because she kept resisting sleep. But when she felt me adjusting the blankets, she knew I was trying to make her as comfortable and warm as she could be in her little bed.  She knows.  

She completed my day.  

Nothing could change how I felt after that and I don't want to forget.