Friday, May 31, 2013

my loves

Colds and crazy days  lead to me not paying attention to the sweet moments.  I watch them and listen to them I just get caught up in the moment and don't really focus on them, but they are on my mind.  Her are some:

He helped Paloma at the y when I dropped them off.  He talks to her and tells her I  am going to be right back.  He plays withe her so that she does not cry for me.  When I walked in to sign them out, I saw lomy and Jonas walking to the board games.  He didn't leave her for a minute.  What a great big brother.  
If he sees me look worried or sad he gives me a hug and tells me he loves me.  "I feel bad for you mom," if he knows something didn't go as I wanted or am disappointed about something. 
He woke up this morning and made spaghetti because he was craving it.  
He found some invitations I had, filled them out and delivered to our neighbors.  He set up a table cloth and asked me to put the pool out front.  I sliced up a watermelon and cut up quesadillas.  He filled out goody bags for his buddies, but only one showed up.  We were expecting more.  It was still a fun party!

In the car, when I was giving them my "they have to listen to mommy" spiel, angus said, "I'm going to listen to you mommy and give you hugs and kisses when we get to our house."  And he did, my little sweetheart.
When I got home from the shop last night, the kids had a movie on with auntie maria and angus had fallen asleep on our chair.  As I picked up a sleeping Angy, he kissed my arm. Always a lover, that boy.
When he jumps into our little blue plastic pool, he always does a belly flop and I always cringe, thinking it hurt him.  His legs are too short to lift and jump in like big brother.
He is my lazy child who doesn't like to pick anything up because he is either too tired or he says, "but I'm just a boy." Even if he is standing right in front of the object I asked him to pick up.

She wanted me to play with her all morning.  She always wants to go into her room.  She knows that all of the things in there are hers.  She likes it even though it is not as fixed up as it should be for a sweet little girl.  We lay on the bed and she picks out a book and has me read to her. Over and over.  
She holds her babies and shushes them to sleep, just like i and grandma Stella do with her.  
If she hears music playing, her little hips start swaying. 
She has been going potty pretty consistently at home.  We run to the bathroom and then I wait while she goes and she smiles so big.  I try not to make a big deal because she frowns upon that.  
She says: skwing for swing, and skwimming for swimming.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

looking up

The days are beginning to get brighter for me. I was feeling down for a while, not realizing why or what was causing me to feel this way, but I have tried to be positive. I have tried to wake up with a happy heart and to ask god for help. Every day gets better. Even though there can be something or someone that brings me down, I try not to let it get to me. When I wake up the next day, I just try to do better, be better and I begin to feel better.

Today was a such a nice day, and it turned into a lovely evening.

We had Patricia and Tom over for dinner. Last week, Patricia finished up her last round of chemo. I could not imagine how hard that was to go through, but if anyone could do it, and smile a few days after, it would most definitely be her. She is a tough woman, one who always looks on the positive side, instead of dwelling on the negative. I feel like tonight, everything went so smoothly and it was in honor of Patricia. We unintentionally celebrated her awesomeness and strength. And we continue to cheer her on until all of "this" is over and done with. Here's to more strength, cause a little extra never hurt any one.

Tonight, the meal was delicious, the children were behaving so good, the music was perfect and the weather was just right. We ate dinner outside, while observing the kids and listening to what they said, we watched the chickens and tossed them food from across the table (wink), laughed about Sammy's inappropriate antics, talked about some of the most recent news stories and Patricia and I danced to a song with the kiddos. Jonas danced with me! That is a big thing around here. The boy thinks he is too cool to dance and he liked it!

I know that amid the tough times, there is happiness. The sweet surprises that make the hard times bearable. There is lots of joy to be had, it's just that sometimes some of us forget about it, until it smacks us in the face and you feel your face lifting, your heart lighten and you are happy and smiling...again.

If more days are like today, then I think we are off to a great summer, hopefully a great rest of the year.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

feeling blah

I haven't been feeling so cheery lately. Don't know why, but I am trying to change it. Day by day. It may be that I need more sleep, exercise, something. Eat better, maybe?

I feel like the kids have been extra difficult. Paloma with her bossy, grunty self. Angus with his obsession with anything technology related. Jonas with his wild ideas and bossiness, as well. Ugh. I just feel drained. I try to do fun stuff with them. I try to give them ideas of things they used to do to have fun. They do the things i tell them about but then its back to the same stuff and the same whining. I feel like I've been mad at them for everything, but I get mad at them because they haven't been listening.

But, oh, how I love them so, those three. Because amid the chaos and craziness, I try to stop and pay attention to the little things that bring joy. I take photos of their silliness, cuteness, awesomeness. They are beautiful. And, oh, so troublesome.

My parents were with us over the weekend and I am so happy they were here. I just don't know what I would do without them. I love them so. My brother and I are lucky to have them in our lives, especially during this time of raising young children. It's tough work, if you didn't know, already.

I am hoping this funk I'm in goes away, soon, because I know the light is there. Looking at these photos I see the beauty, but when I am caught in the everyday doings, cleanings, messes, and non-listenings, I tend to forget that it is there.

It is there.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

last game

"What is your favorite thing to do when you're playing?" I asked him.

"I like sitting in the dugout," he answered.

"Why do you like the dugout?"

"Because I get to talk to my friends."

Of course. He's my little social butterfly. He loves talking and joking and being silly and wild and making friends.


From March to May, Miah and Jonas practiced and played. Tonight, was the last game. The team won.

Jonas made many good friends. He learned about being on a team, how to cheer on his fellow teammates, how to high five them after a good play, or offer words of encouragement when there were no plays.

I know that he didn't fall in love with the game, but he liked it. He played. He got better than he was when he first started. He paid attention in the end. He ran for the ball. He caught the ball. He learned all the places and who does what, when, where and how. He stayed in it until the end, even though some days, he didn't feel like going. But he wanted that trophy at the end of the game. He knew he had to work for it. And he did.

Good job, Jonas!

Monday, May 6, 2013

weekend doings

Last week I asked Miah when we were going to start our garden. What did he say? He didn't say anything, he delivered! He is awesome like that. He made two gardens for us. One will have corn. The other will have squash, watermelons and cantaloupe. Praying the seeds I planted will sprout. I feel like because I did it, they may not. A green thumb, I have not.

The kids have been excited about gardening. They want to help. They want to move dirt around, they want to spray water, they want to drop little seeds in tiny holes. We let them help as much as they can do, but its hard because, well, hills get stepped on some of the time and some seeds make it on the sides of the holes other times and water and dirt turn to mud and well, wait, no stop, don't step there and oy.

Jonas said, "Mom, it's gonna be cool when you ask me to pick food from the garden for dinner." It will be very cool and I can't wait.

But I can, wait.

We are all excited about planting and waiting and growing our own food. Crossing fingers all works out.


The weather has been perfect at certain times of the day. We were in the backyard on Saturday morning. Jonas, Angus and Paloma were playing happily. We were letting Miah sleep because he's been working long hours. The kids were getting along and laughing together, just enjoying each others company.

Perfect moments like these make the tough ones disappear. The ones where Angus teases Paloma, making her mad and she starts to cry or when Jonas is only thinking about playing the wii or when there are spills and clutter all over the house. Those are erased from my mind when my children are happy and content. They don't matter. My children matter. Their joy matters.

We had a perfect morning until it wasn't, because nothing is perfect all of the time. It wouldn't be real life if it was. But it was just how it was supposed to be. It was nice.