One thing I have noticed is that this month has been traveling slower than last years January. Last year flew by so quickly. The months just fell off the calendar pages as if someone had pressed a fast-forward button, leaving them falling to the ground, one right after the other.
I wanted to do a blog post every day since the start of January and couldn't pull myself to doing it. I didn't know what to type. I didn't know where to begin or how to even start the first blog post of the year. There is so much that we have done, so much has happened, but I felt blank. Here I am. Finally, I feel like writing.
The kids continue to be wild and beautiful. They leave me feeling like I just want to squeeze them and love on them, while wondering why they are being so crazy and messy and stubborn and defiant.
I feel as though I am being tested everyday. I keep losing my patience with them. I have to stop myself. I know I was better at this at one point. I was more patient, but at this moment, this very moment in my life and theirs, I seem to have forgotten how to be patient.
Just when I think everything is going smoothly, it soon starts to fall apart. Then I try to mend it all back together. Then it all unwinds, unravels again. I have to start over and over. It's tiring, but I know I am giving it my all.
Is this my message to myself?
Once things or situations feel as though they are perfect, they soon won't be, because nothing in this life is ever really perfect. But those imperfect moments can be helped and made better. And if it all comes crashing down after you worked so hard, know that whatever falls apart can be fixed or can get better. It is not the end. I have to remind myself of this, because in the midst of the crashing down, I forget and get overwhelmed with it all. But it gets better.
Eventually it does.
After having a day when the children haven't been their most pleasant selves, at the end of the night or at some point throughout the day, they say or do something so sweet and I know that they are alright and that I am alright. They are my sweet children with ups and downs, too, just like me.