Lately

Some nights, when I lie down, ready for sleep, my nana pops into my head. It just happens without me talking or thinking about her. I see her, as my head rests on my pillow, my eyes closed.

I see her in her little apartment, with all her things around her. She smiles. She looks happy, like she did when anyone would visit. I see her leaving the room to watch her novellas and then she comes back during a commercial, just as she always did.

I start to miss her so much. I miss her face, her short hair, her eyes and her voice. It hurts. Then I I feel sad. I wish I would have visited her more. How I wish I could stop by her apartment, to see her trinkets and treasures up. To see her open the door.

Instantly, my sadness fades and then I start to wonder if every time I think of her being happy, maybe she is thinking of me in heaven. That is why she just pops into my head out of the blue. At least that's what I like to think. My nana is thinking of me and I of her.

In my thoughts I never see her suffering, sad, or hurt. Just happy and comfortable...at home.

simply snow

Two days in the snow with three children and a husband has made me see how different each one of my little's are from each other, how good my husband is and how much I can't imagine my life without them. Not that I didn't know all these things already, but all were so pronounced these two days.

The first day was a little rough. It was grey, snowy, cold and cloudy with only a few peaks from the sun.

Silly and bossy

Paloma was not happy with the white foreign-element. It was her first time seeing it, so I expected her to be unsure about it. She was cold and only wanted daddy's arms. I watched the boys sled down the hill and walk back up, over and over, flurries came down, as I sat still with baby in arms, sleeping. I was cold, but that didn't matter, because I could see their faces looking so happy. She woke up and was still unhappy.

Determined and persistent

Jonas loves sledding. He whines and complains before we get there about ALL the clothes he has to wear, when will we get there and why is dad driving so long. But once he's there, he is non-stop, up and down those hills, never tiring, never wanting to leave, with a smile and determination. "I love Mother Nature," he said.

Laid-back and loving

Angus likes it, but I think he wished snow was warm. He lets us bundle him up, but makes a pouty face while we are doing so. He makes us carry him after, say, the third time sledding downhill. He sits and plays with the snow and isn't as crazy about sledding as Jonas. "I want to go home," he said, on many occasion.

The second day, Paloma napped and woke up ready to play. She ended up liking it after all. She played. She ate the snow. She slipped and called out "help me!" She threw herself on it. All while Jonas kept sledding down and walking up, sledding down and walking up and so on. All while Angus would sit and tell me to hit him with the snow. And if he sled down, we'd have to carry him because he would not move if we didn't. Everyone had a good time. Except Jonas said he'd never sled with me again because we wiped out.

Miah made sure everyone was warm and dry. He got the babes all the things they needed for a fun day. He walked up and down, carrying, instructing and protecting. We had a few, "oh no, dad's mad" moments, but all was good in the end. He was THE MAN! They are very lucky children to have a dad who never tires of teaching, showing, but most especially, loving.

On the way home, they played games. Jonas read to his brother and sister. "I read the book three times." I saw Paloma and Angus, looking and listening to their big brother. The sweetest sight to see.

Moments I never want to forget.

Christmas

The photos were taken after our Christmas Eve party.

Miah made a delicious dinner. One second the turkey was out of the oven, on the counter in its entirety and the next second, or so it seemed, it was gone. We were all hungry and Miah makes the best turkey dinner. That explains it.

We opened the few presents we had with our family and friends. Some members of the family were missing, but not forgotten. The kids were dressed in their traditional, bought-by-grandma Tricia, Christmas pajamas. They were excited.


Jonas and Miah had made a cross out of wood they had found in the backyard. Jonas painted it and told dad where to put it -at the top of our tree. "Because Jesus was on the cross," Jonas said.

In the middle of the night, I heard someone stirring. It wasn't Santa, but Jonas, discovering a tree with presents, lots of them. "Jonas?" I said. "Mom, Santa came. I was good!" he said.

In the morning, he tried hard to wake Angus, but Angus didn't want to be bothered. He finally got up and the tearing of paper began. These boys were blessed with many presents.

Paloma was happy with her FOUR babies, crib, stroller and especially her puppy.

They played outside all Christmas Day with Miah.

Sunday, 7:45 p.m. after bath photos

My Paloma is a silly girl. She knows when to be funny, when to make goofy faces, how to crack up laughing. When she heard that dad was home, she wanted to get out of the bath. But before I lost her to Miah, we just had to snap a few shots.

While you we're sleeping

The boys and I were comfortably reading on their bed last night. They were both pretty sleepy but Jonas was the sleepiest. In the middle of the story, his eyes finally closed and Angus was the only one listening to me read.

I saw his little hand grab his brothers sleeping hand and held it, fingers entwined.

I looked at him and he looked at me and he said, "I love Jonas."

"I know you do and he loves you too," I said.

He lay there like that for a little longer. His big brother wasn't getting mad at him or getting annoyed with him. He let go of his hand and gave him a hug and whispered, "I love you, Jonas."

Angus is always telling Jonas that he loves him. Jonas hears it so much that he sometimes responds rudely or ignores him. Other times he tells him, "Aww, Mang, I love you too," then they hug.

But this time, Angus enjoyed just holding his hand and telling him he loved him. He didn't need a response back. He didn't need Jonas to tell him he loved him, too. He just loves him and that's that.

Paloma walked in and climbed onto the bed with us. She saw what Angus was doing and joined him in his love-for-big-brother-party. She gave sleeping Jonas kisses and kept saying, "love you, too"

I finally told them that we needed to let big Bo rest and sleep. We finished reading, then Angus fell asleep. I sang a song to my Paloma and then she fell asleep.

My heart was happy and forgot about all the other things I was supposed to do after they were all asleep and then, I fell asleep, right next to my little loves.

Sleepover

We are staying the night at my mom & dad's. It's late and the kids are sleeping, so I get some time with them all to myself. I made them take some photos with me. I don't have enough photos of them. My dad says I do something to the camera because he says he never comes out looking right. My mom says her face is too chubby. I don't care what they say. I'm going to keep taking pictures.

sweet goodnight

I've been sick for over a week. Jonas and I came down with strep throat and it has been horrible. Ugh. The pain is fading thanks to the antibiotics, but now I am hoping this earache goes away soon.

The days have been tough. Three kids at home, all day, with no chance of naps for me. But I got through them. Thank god we are all starting to feel better, we'll except for Miah.

I was feeling down today. Earache, messy house, and whiny children. Every time I cleaned up a mess, another one was waiting for me. Little Paloma is good at making them.

Jonas was giving me a hard time because he wanted to play the wii. He kept asking and asking about it. Finally, he stopped and relaxed. Later, he walked up to me and said, "I'm sorry I was acting so bad. I feel bad for you mom. You're not having a very good day."

I gave him a hug and thanked him for apologizing and acknowledging how bad a day I was having. He can be tough and wild, but he also is such a sweetheart.

The day started to turn around.

Paloma peeled a banana and threw it on the ground. I was about to get frustrated, when I had an idea. "Let's make banana bread."

She helped do everything. She was my banana masher, ingredient pourer, and mixer.

"Need more shuger," she said.

After, she was so happy she kept saying, "I made it, I made it!"

Angus walked into the kitchen and started giving me kisses all over my head.

All of those things made my day so much better.

As they were falling asleep, angus held my hand and Paloma lay next to me. Before he had fallen asleep, Jonas told me he loved me and that I was the best mom.

Sometimes, they make my days tough, but they always make them better.

Thanksgiving 2012

Thanksgiving was a blur, so I am glad we took a few photos. It's neat to see the kids together with their cousins. Wished my brother and his family were there so that ALL the littles would have been together. It will happen, some other get together, I guess.

We had a free-range turkey, all thanks to Patricia. Jonas was hungry and sat at the table until the food was ready. Angus napped, and woke up, just in time to eat. Paloma was being shy, and would not let her grandma's put her down.